Day 632, The need to be alone together.

Day 632

Pareidolia is a psychological phenomenon in which the mind responds to a stimulus, usually an image or a sound, by perceiving a familiar pattern where none exists. (Seeing faces in objects for instance)

For some reason I see, in this picture, several little people standing on a ridge and one big fellow looking far away in a certain direction. They seem to belong together, wonder what they are looking at, or what that one on the right is thinking about:

 The need to be alone together with no one so close to belong somewhere single and go my own way of love for the one outside my reach out to myself at night lying there in my memory with love from the past that was good to hold out with no breath in my neck I can turn around and go to the one that I love and learn to hate this being alone I sometimes cry for no reason I feel great walking proud my own way and I see those eyes floating shooting lightning in my heard burning pain and pleasure all at once in my days single and never alone going up while falling on my knees kissing feet pulling strings in my brain to maintain my own smile alive to get one inside this life I betray my own pride and still go the road that I so much like and also need is what I tell when I lie awake the nights before I sleep alone together with a dream by my side.

Day 631, Looking against the light.

Day 631-1

Looking against the light.

We human beings can easily be overwhelmed. An example: you meet him, the whole date goes so well, as if you knew each other for so long and then… he barks at the waiter. Or you by the new phone you wanted for so long, you install everything, try it out and then after 3 days… the excitement is gone and it’s just an other phone. Our expectation is like the bright sun that puts everything around you in a shadow and you can only see the light. That person or object shines so bright, because you want it so bad, that it makes you temporary stupid, you can not think straight. That realization can come fast, as in the case of the rude date, or it takes a couple of day’s like with the phone. We all know this of course, there are enough sayings that point to this like: “blinded by love”, and it is not a bad thing perse. Looking at any man or woman thinking that he or she is probably an asshole one way or the other, what is of course the truth, is not a recipe for a nice date, a love life or for propagation, the cornerstone of our existence. In a certain way evolution made us les skeptical when it comes to choosing a mate, at least the skepticism is postponed till after the woman is impregnated or in our modern time: you had sex.

Well, that’s all well and good and a little drama makes life more interested for sure, but the side effect of this blindness is: the telephone I just bought and don’t need, or any product for that matter. This irrational potential in us is off course the fuel that our lifestyle, or capitalistic system, is running on.  If we all would be responsible buyers our system would crawl to a standstill and that is a problem, if you like this system. I personally wouldn’t mind finding a more responsible one. The main reason for this is that we can destroy the world we live in. Because of all the excess stuff we produce, the energy it cost and the waste we make we probably do more harm than good to the world on the long run. But for now, we are all blinded by the light and cannot see what lurks in the darkness.

Day 630, Sailboat escape.

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This is a spot where I sometimes eat my lunch. In the winter there is not so much change, besides the coming and going of the snow, but in the summer, you can see sailboats from all over the world. I find a small sailboat with a couple of people on board that sail the world endlessly intriguing. It’s like a little capsule where you can go in and literally sail away from the world into your own. It is a long-time dream of mine to do that to, and one day I will. But for now it’s just watching the harbor and eating my sandwiches.

Day 626, look closer.

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I like taking pictures of details from ordinary things, when there are only a few parts in focus. It reminds me of real life where our eyes have everything in focus all the time. Where our minds see also a picture as in a cinema, nice in focus, fare away and big. But when you go out of focus, get closer, and only see the little details you might be surprised.

In the summer I like to take closeup pictures of insects. When I walk in the garden I see no insects, maybe a fly or a bee but not much more, so where to go? Normally I will go sit in the grass close to some bushes and just wait. I lean a little bit closer to the ground maybe and then you slowly start to see a whole new world. First you see nothing but take some time, study the surrounding and you see things you would normally never see. This is analogues to real life: you have an idea; an opinion is welling up, you see it in front of you and an emotion takes over, whispers to you the thoughts that come first. But what if you sit down, in the grass there by the bushes. You let your mind settle down and slowly you wait till the details come insight. Maybe you discover the small creatures crawling in your thoughts that unknown to you where guiding your thoughts that you had when you were standing just there before. Life and living keeps so much more hidden for you if you don’t take the time to question yourself.

Here you can see some of the pictures I have taken while sitting in my garden.

Day 625, refuge.

Abstract rust

This is a picture of a rusty pipe. With some adjustments it looks cool, if I may say so. Like colorful lava floating around, breaking away…Yesterday I wrote about America and the innocent lives that got destroyed because of an unnecessary war. I wondered, in that story, how people could live in a country like that. Someone asked me what I would do…Well, I live In Norway, I moved here from the Netherlands about 10 years ago. There are several reasons why I chose for Norway and to move away from Holland, but the reason that I left is complicated. It all started (well most of it) when I came back from Cambodia, where I worked as a Dutch* Marine. Working in a country where the people had nothing besides a bamboo hut and a hole in the ground to cook on, and then coming back to a country where even the poorest have all the basics checked, and hear everybody complain, and complain… And it was not a money thing, poor vs rich or injustice. It was the lack of perspective. The problems we have in a rich country like Holland are not real problems. If everybody in the world has a meal, a school education and something to live for, then we “can sweat the small stuff”. It is difficult to describe what I felt but its like that naked king story and no one says something about it. I didn’t understand how we could live our lives knowing that the world was broken. I didn’t understand why not everybody was talking about that. And I studied it, and started to learn why it is, but knowing reasons for it didn’t take away the unrest I had.  I didn’t belong there any more, there was a black hole in front of me where there should be a future. I sometimes jokingly say that I am a political refugee, and if you extend the fear of bodily harm to mental harm that society inflicts on you because of your ideas, then there is some truth in that joke. I moved to Norway because that was something I talked about for years. I restore wooden boats, my nearest neighbor lives 2 kilometers away and the best thing is that I am a guest here, and if you are someone’s guest you don’t complain about their way’s, well not too much, I’m still Dutch.

*I am Dutch, and I live in the Netherlands or Holland, but historically Holland is the name of the two provinces in the western part: Noord-Holland and Zuid-Holland. As a Dutch-man we mix those two but officially it is: I live in the Netherlands. As a Dutch-man we can also say: Ik spreek Nederlands (I speak Netherlands), or ik spreek Hollands (I speak Hollands), but a foreigner can only say: I speak Dutch. To make it more complicated: if you speak Dutch you can also say that you speak Belgium, or Flemish, that’s what the people in Belgium do when they get asked what languish they speak, some might even say that they speak Dutch.   I don’t know why it is so complicated, if you know an other country that is similar I would like to know.

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