life

Day 2059, Despair.

Day's pictures

Slide film, 1996, Arnhem – the Netherlands

In many lectures about 20th-century philosophy, you will hear about Albert Camus. I have always been interested in his work, and through these lectures, I know quite a lot about him, but I have never read his books. I started reading Myth of Sisyphus, and today at work, I also started listening to a good audiobook of that book on YouTube.

You might have heard of Sisyphus; he is the Greek God that had to push a giant boulder up the hill over and over. This feeling of an endless drag, of pushing that boulder up the hill over and over again, or in our case: of getting up, eating, working, eating, sleeping, and getting up again, is demoralizing. Many people feel the despair of this and seek relief from that feeling. According to Camus, we have three options: 1 believe in an improbable God not for relief now but a better life after death, 2 suicide and 3, except the futility of life and live with it.

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Day 2058, small

Day's pictures
Slide film, 1992, Rotterdam – the Netherlands

7 Learning to feel differently about space. – Is it the real things or the imaginary things which have contributed most to human happiness? What is certain is that the extent of the space between the highest happiness and the deepest unhappiness has been produced only with the aid of the imaginary things. This kind of feeling of space is, consequently, being continually reduced under the influence of science: just as science has taught us, and continues to teach us, to feel that the eanh is small and the solar-system itself no more than a point.

Friedrich Nietzsche, Daybreak – book 1

Day 2057, outside.

Day's pictures, Poetry
Slide film, 1996, Utrecht – the Netherlands

Are we not all sitting in a cage

a cage made of used to’s and I cant’s

~

I open my bird’s cage every day

most of the time they choose to fly

for a little while

~

I think my cage has been opened

I sure have felt like I could fly forever

maybe it’s been open all the time

but to be honest

I never really dared to look for that little door

to my outside

Day 2056, who am I?

Day's pictures

Slide film, 1996, Olst – the Netherlands

At the beginning of the nineties, I started taking my camera with me. I still like to take pictures of garbage, and as you see in this picture, I did it also in 1996. I have always been interested in the story behind discarded packaging, pieces of paper, and what else people throw away on their way to… It is just interesting that there are people that think that it is a good idea to leave their plastic waste in nature. I personally like my nature with the least possible reminders of human interference, but he, who am I.  

Day 2051, economy?

Day's pictures
Slide film, 1996, Olst – the Netherlands

For the last few weeks, I’ve been studying the different economic systems, reading some general books, and learning about the various big names in the western economy. There were a few things that caught my attention and one thing in particular.

The books I read and browsed through are primarily written in America and are for the most focussed on that country. But the other two large economic powers (Europe and China) are not ignored.

Europe as a whole has a lot of economic power, but every country has there own economic system, though they mix socialistic and more capitalistic ideas. Europe seems to have learned from their long history that there is not such a thing as one direction; there needs to be a compromise between all the different ideologies; Europe is a little wiser than Young America and China.

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Day 2050, grandfather.

Day's pictures, Poetry
Slide film, 199?, the Netherlands

I only know my grandfather

through myself

he himself

never understood

his own

demons

only his silence

~

this silence was draped in front of me

on the table where I grew up

~

I only know my daemons

looking through this draped

veil

~

I see his silent shadow

behind it

it never left

it is where he lived

he is still there  

sometimes looking

at me

like me

~

he never spoke

he never will

he never lived

his silence killed

before he died

Day 2049, my river.

Day's pictures
Slide film, 1996, Olst – the Netherlands

What has happened to me, my animals? said Zarathustra. Have I not changed? Has not bliss come to me as a storm? My happiness is foolish and will say foolish things: it is still young, so be patient with it. I am wounded by my happiness: let all who suffer be my physicians. I may go down again to my friends, and to my enemies too. Zarathustra may speak again and give and do what is dearest to those dear to him. My impatient love overflows in rivers, downward, toward sunrise and sunset. From silent mountains and thunderstorms of suffering my soul rushes into the valleys. Too long have I longed and looked into the distance. Too long have I belonged to loneliness; thus I have forgotten how to be silent. Mouth have I become through and through, and the roaring of a stream from towering cliffs: I want to plunge my speech down into the valleys. Let the river of my love plunge where there is no wayl How could a river fail to find its way to the sea? Indeed, a lake is within me, solitary and self-sufficient; but the river of my love carries it along, down to the sea.

Friedrich Nietzsche, Thus Spoke Zarathustra:The child with the mirror

Day 2048, our inner.

Day's pictures, Poetry

Slide film, 1996, Burgers’ zoo – Arnhem – the Netherlands

When I look at you

through all these past layers

I sometimes wonder

if I am still there

I had a girlfriend in 1996 who studied biology, and she often had to go to Burgers zoo to study the different apes there. I tried to tag along as often as possible. I am not sure if I ever met Frans de Waal, but he has written several well-known books, and I have read some of them. I met his mentor Jan Van Hoof who was a professor in Utrecht, where my girlfriend studied, and we also lived. It was fun to follow some of the lectures, but I am glad it was just for fun; she had to learn a lot.

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