Is it possible to ever let go? To untie yourself from yourself. To not think the way you always do. Turn a switch and change, even if only for a second or two.  

Of course not. Every reaction has an action before it; change in your life does not happen in a vacuum and can not be commanded. It is impossible not to be yourself, and even if you take a leap, you will most certainly land on the other side as yourself again. 

If you want to change, you could change your surroundings. Meeting new people is often an excellent way to confirm your choices or to get infected by new ones. And when you’re stuck in one place, alone, then read a book, one you wouldn’t usually choose, one recommended by someone you respect or who rubs you the wrong way.

Changing your mind takes work. When you are 16, you do it every week; when you are old, maybe just the second before you die. And if it is not your age that holds you from changing or changing too much, it might be your family, friends, the person sleeping next to you, or the country you live in. 

But just moving to another country or divorcing is not the cure that brings you change. The things around you might change, but do they change enough? Do you fall in love again with that person you imagined you had met before? Do you wake up next to the same person because you see all of them like that? A thing. 

Change is difficult, even if you want it. Not many people want to put in the effort, and we expect change to happen by demanding it from others or through shortcuts we want to believe. They say that we are formed for a large part in our early years. When you are three, change is happening all the time, and it just happened. You get moved around, presented with food you don’t know, and wear clothes you have never seen before. All this change was forced upon you and hopefully done with love, making you feel good. Now, you have to do it all alone, and you don’t know how and stick with what you know. Longing for someone who tells you, but most of the time, that is you; the choice is often between what you already know all too well.  

It is like the free will problem. If we had it, we could all just change our minds and change. We are all stuck in a particular past and body, and these two determine for the most who we are. Making unexpected friends or reading a new book might notch you off, off your trajectory, but knowing that you encounter something new is the big challenge. You have to learn to recognize what is new, and the best way to do that is to keep it close and not at a distance.