Death, meaning and cancer


I try to imagine what I would feel like if the doctor told me that I would die within the next few weeks. The best way to find this out is probably to delve into your own experiences, looking for something with a similar impact, and how you dealt with it in the past?

When your car breaks down after you hit something in the middle of the night. When the apple was rotten, and you needed it for that recipe. When your lover cheated on you, or your grandmother died. In all these cases you were probably shocked at first, out of breath, felt helpless, or empty. If you have been through these experiences several times you might power on immediately after the initial shock, and if it is your first time it could slow you down to a standstill, unable to think or act. But can you compare the loss of a lover or death of a friend with the message that you soon are going to die?

Continue reading “Death, meaning and cancer”

The nuclear bomb and its enemies.

Day 252-1


Both the USA and the USSR developed their large arsenals because history teaches them that war is a possibility and probably a necessity. Both were afraid that if either one had the chance of destroying the other, that it could happen. They either made a large arsenal to strike first or hit back hard after an attack. Either way it would be disastrous for both countries with millions of people dead not by a long war, diseases, or famine but by a few phone calls and some presses on 2, – dollar launch buttons.

The USSR was a Communist country, guided by strict rules that guided their past and future. The Russians where convinced that they could win a nuclear war. There would be large destruction, but the conventional war, after the nuclear destruction, could be won. From Napoleon to Hitler their large unwelcome land is there biggest asset that has shaped their history for years and guided their choices in the development and deployment of nuclear weapons.

Continue reading “The nuclear bomb and its enemies.”

Blind spot

Day 232-1

We have a blind spot in our eyes. We miss part of the picture, but we don’t. Our brain fills in the gaps and like our nervous system or bowel movements it does it without our guidance.

For many years now, research has found out that our brain presents us with questionable answers. One of the articles that is interesting is “Priming and communication: Social determinants of information use in judgments of life satisfaction”. As an example, they will ask a group of students if they are happy and they give a response, after that they ask how many dates they had this year and there was no correlation between the two questions, more or less dates didn’t seem to influence the amount of happiness. But if you first ask how many dates they had and then asked about their happiness they found a correlation. Having a number, your dates this year, gives your brain an easier quantification to work with so it answers more realistic the question if you are happy. You should now that the students denied the correlation.

A primer is something that is a cause of.  Lots of thought’s, meanings and hunches have a primer, a cause. But do we know that, can we see that or is that fact permanently fixated before our blind spot colored in by our brain.


Hard to Imagine.

Day 565-1

Around the world we still hear from neo-nazies groups. There thoughts are not mainstream, and most of us know better, but… But are their ways seeping in again through the cracks of our memories?

Babi yar women lined up to be executed
Jews at Babi Yar waiting to be murdered

I read books about Nazi trials, I read those books in the hope it helps me to understand. I can’t imagine shooting at babies flying in the air, something that members of the einsatzgruppen did back then.  “The executioners did not have enough time to finish their job. Therefore they began to put two people together, head by head, so that one bullet would kill two people. The wounded people were killed with shovels. The children were thrown into the Yar alive and buried with them.” Man with families and kids, no barbarians, not illiterate or mentally ill, your neighbour did these things, and in our connected world they still do these things. Look at what happens in Myanmar.

If you could imagine what it would do to you if that same thing would happen to you. Why would you do it? It’s a question with no clear answer. In our global, connected world we are all one click away from each other, from knowledge. If I waste food or buy something I don’t’ need I realize that if we all worked together then that excess consumption could have gone to those people that are now dying of hunger. But it is not happening. I could not even Imagine what it’s like to lose someone from hunger.

But would I kill a kid, with my own hands, if my country approves of it? You never know what the future brings but I have always been an outsider, and I know my thoughts are not my own. Knowing your not a unique well of thoughts, that you can be at fault will probably make it harder to let you walk in line. Doubt yourself.


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